Ever have those days when you think you are finally turning the corner? Finally getting the hang of things? Life has calmed for a bit and then, autism rears its ugly head. Or maybe it is just parenthood, I don’t know, these are my first and only children.
Lately, our son has had issues at night. Specifically, bedtime. Yes, I know that every child tries to delay the inevitable, going to sleep; heck, I’m sure I had a few antics up my sleeve at that age. There are times when I can’t tell is autism and what is normal childhood issues. My son has OCD as well as autism. This manifests itself in a rigid resistance to change. (I suggested that we go on a fun trip, maybe to Disneyland. He replied no, because 1. he has to get in an airplane, 2. it would take so long to get there 3. “I don’t like costumes and I would hide behind my mom.” [This last one is a funny statement, because he was speaking to me…. about hiding behind me.] So even though his twin sister would love the experience, and try to squish the life out of all the characters, this is a trip for the wishlist.)
Often after he has been put in bed, we will hear from the top of the stairs, one of the following; “I’m scared”, “I was thinking of places that I love that we don’t go to anymore” (with tears), “I thought of something creepy”, “I thought of something scary”. His father gets more aggravated by this than I do. Our response is “what would you like us to do? it’s your brain.” He usually just wants a hug, which is fine. But then he starts to talk, and then it is 10 or 15 minutes later. Or he wants someone to come with him and rub his back. This is hard for me because of a number of things; He is my little boy (yes he is 8, but he won’t be soon.) and he will only be little once. I recall the memes about “cherishing the moments” because they will soon be gone, or is it you want them to remember you and their childhood well, and then I feel conflicted. Do I “coddle” him in this or do I draw the hard line and send him off? He has to learn to deal with this himself as I will not be around forever.
So my ABA home team says to ignore and send to bed, but the mother in me says to be gentle with him. Don’t want to scar him for life, especially given his anxieties. *sigh
These “I’m scared” or “I’m thinking of..” moments have been happening more regularly these past weeks. Is it just because, as the school principal mentioned in a meeting yesterday, that this is the time when a lot of kids unravel, or is there some other stressor that I need to look for? The fact that he has anxieties (associated with the OCD) doesn’t help. I have read in a lot of my facebook groups about some ASD children needing medications for their anxieties, to help them process, or sleep. I hope it doesn’t come to that because neither of them will barely take something for a cough, let alone a daily dose of anything.
Last week, my child was sobbing in my arms because he was afraid of becoming an adult because he didn’t want to leave our home. In fact, my birthday card from him said just that. And ONLY that. “I love you and I never want to leave our home.” I had to console him and tell him that we aren’t planning on making him leave. Some people want to leave and do so at age 18, which for him is another 10 years. I didn’t leave my parents house (FINALLY! as my father would put it, after my coming and going from schools) until I was 28 and moved here to BC where I have been ever since. So that is another 20 years. You might feel differently in 10 or 20 years, but you are welcome to stay here as long as you need.
Such big thoughts from a little man.
That ASD Mom 